For me, my anxiety is different every day.
Last week, it was consuming fatigue from chasing thoughts running rampant through my mind. It was searching for the rationale in a slew of irrational doubts and fears. It was being tired but not being able to fall asleep because I was afraid of sleeping through my alarm and being late for work.
Last month, it was a racing heart and achy muscles. It was feeling fine one moment only to feel like my brain was short-circuiting the next. It was making plans and canceling them and then feeling guilty about not being more social.
Yesterday, it was feeling forgetful and absent-minded because so many different thoughts were fighting for center-stage of my consciousness. It was feeling like I needed to work on being more mindful while being as far as possible from the present moment deep in thoughts of past mistakes and hypotheticals.
And then some days, the anxiety is quiet, and I feel like I can breathe again. In those days, I can find the energy and the spark that has been dimmed by so many days of darkness. In those days, I feel like a load is lifted off of my heart. It makes me feel ready to get out there, to make plans, and to work on my goals.
Then, just as quickly, anxiety becomes broken obligations and fading resolve. It becomes feeling ashamed, even though I know I shouldn’t. It becomes feeling weak even when I’m fighting it. It is a constant ebb and flow. Constant ups and downs. A silent battle.
That’s anxiety for me. For you, it may look entirely different. Or maybe we share a lot of the same pain. But, no matter what anxiety looks like from one person to the next, one thing remains the same. We are all capable of getting through it, together.
Even on those days when you feel so lost in it you can’t ever imagine there being a light at the end of the tunnel. Even on the days when it is breaking you down, telling you you’re weak. Even on the days when you truly start to believe that it is bigger and stronger than you.
We are going to make it. We are going to heal together. We are going to fight together. We are going to overcome together. We are going to take small steps forward out of the darkness together. We are going to embrace every little victory we experience in the face of our demons. We are going to hold onto hope, through the good days and the bad days.
For me, my anxiety is different every day. And, the battle I fight changes with each new sunrise. I know yours does too. But, no matter how different my story looks from yours, I know that we can turn the page together and find a way to navigate through the imperfection.
Because while anxiety is different for all of us, our hope for change is so beautifully similar. So, from one broken heart to another, you’re not in this alone.